Most “Bad” Clients Aren’t Red Flags. They Simply Don’t Know Your Boundaries.
It's the first nice day of spring, it's Friday, and you're excited to log off early to enjoy the beautiful weather.
You open your email... one of your clients has decided she's launching her new program next week. She wants to accelerate her project so her rebranded website is live Monday morning.
As you process this giant blow to your afternoon plans, you tick off all the ways this client has been a pain in your ass - she's consistently late on providing feedback, she wants to hop on Zoom calls every other day, and she just flat out feels like a lot of work.
You start to wonder, "Am I just really good at attracting difficult clients?"
Before you write her off, take a minute to ask, "Did I clearly communicate my boundaries?"
If not, it might not be that she's difficult. She probably just doesn't know the expectations. And the more you ignore your boundaries, the more she's going to feel like a bad client.
I've been there too. Frustrated that clients are contacting me at all hours, expecting instant responses. Getting last minute rush jobs. Sitting in unnecessary meetings multiple times a week.
When I finally defined and communicated my boundaries, most of my clients stopped feeling difficult. In fact, one even thanked me for having (and upholding) clear boundaries. They knew the expectations, and... they felt more confident in upholding their own.
So What Are Boundaries? (And Why Most of Us Skip This Part)
Most service providers I work with are helpers, people who genuinely love to give to others. They often blur the lines between compassion and over-giving because they've been socialized that saying no is rude and selfish.But boundaries aren’t really about saying no.Boundaries define what is and isn't acceptable in any relationship. They're not a rule for others, but a limit for you.
It's the difference between "I don't take calls after 4:00pm" and "Don't call me after 4:00."When it comes to client work, there are 4 types of boundaries worth knowing.
The 4 Types of Boundaries That Matter Most for Client Work
Emotional boundaries = “What kind of energy and behavior am I willing to engage with?”
Time boundaries = "When am I available to work and when am I off the clock."
Resource/Financial boundaries = "What am I willing to give, cover, or absorb — and what is outside scope?"
Communication boundaries = “What communication style, timing, and channel works for this working relationship?”
(source)
How Unclear Boundaries Create Resentment (On Both Sides)
If they don't know what the expectations are, they're likely going to "overstep" because of the lack of certainty on their end. And every time they unknowingly overstep, you make a tick of your mental tracker as proof that they're difficult and hard to work with.
They're only hard to work with if you've communicated your boundaries, often and consistently, and they choose to ignore them.
Often and consistently is the key.
Think of a time that someone shared a boundary with you. Like a friend who mentioned in passing during a coffee date that she's no longer taking calls after 9:00pm. How likely will you remember that, three weeks later when something big happens and you need someone to talk to?
You're probably going to forget. And if she takes that call instead of upholding her boundary, you'll definitely forget that she'd prefer not to talk to people late in the evening.
So communicating boundaries is more than just a one time thing. It actually requires 4 key things.
Mentioning It Once Isn't Enough: The 4 Cs of Communicating Boundaries
When it comes to establishing, communicating, and upholding your boundaries, you can remember the 4 Cs. (This is a fairly common framework in boundary-setting conversations — I've been unable to track down the original source. If you know it, send it my way.)
Clarity
Clarity means being precise in your language. Let's go back to your friend. She could say, "I don't take calls after 9:00pm." Or she could say, "I don't take calls late at night." What's late to her may still be early for you.
The same applies to your clients. "My office hours are Monday through Friday" versus "I'm available to clients Tuesday through Thursday, from 10:00am to 3:00pm Central." Which one is easier for your client to understand and respect?
Consistency
Boundaries aren’t a set-it and forget-it situation. They require ongoing maintenance and need to be upheld regularly.
Let’s consider your friend again. If she continues to take calls after 9:00pm, even 75% of the time, can she really expect folks to only call before 9:00?
Remember, boundaries aren't rules for others, they're limitations to what YOU will do.
Compassion
Boundaries aren't meant to be a punishment of others. They protect your well-being while having empathy for another. It means holding your boundaries while still treating your clients with respect.
Courage
Courage is the confidence in your right to have your needs met and respected. When you don't have courage, you may find yourself caving whenever a client says, "just this once." Or you may find that you overexplain or apologize anytime you say no.
Where to Actually Share Your Boundaries with Clients
Remember, boundaries need to be shared consistently. So where can you do this?
Here are a few ideas:
Proposals
Contracts
Welcome kits
Project kickoff calls
Email signature
Weekly check-ins
Out of office / auto-responder
Onboarding questionnaire
Project management tool
Invoice or payment reminders
For instance, you can include this statement -, “I check email twice a day, Tuesday through Thursday. Expect a response within 24 hours on those days.” - in your email signature, out of office responder, contract, and welcome package. And remind clients of this during your kickoff call.
What Happens When You Do This Well
When you establish your boundaries with clarity, consistency, courage, and compassion you might find a thank you note from a client who tells you your boundaries helped her find confidence to set her own. And you'll get those Friday afternoons back.
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